January  2o18

01/31/2018:

  

STATE OF THE UNION: TOO STUPID FOR WORDS. I have always been fond of referring to our local blood n' guts news station (think New York Post) as "the ambulance news," a term I borrowed from humorist Dan Jenkins.

I never thought I'd see the day when I would invent a term of my own to describe serious news outlets like CNN, the Washington Post, and the New York Times:

The Clown News.

Now, don't get me wrong: I don't for a minute agree with our Cheeto-mopped Covfefe-In-Chief that these news sources amount to "fake news" because they dare to print things he doesn't like. But, you see, that's part of the problem... by printing or broadcasting the actual news, they expose us as a nation to things that are just so incredibly, unbelievably lamebrained that, to quote Jenkins again, I'm afraid we're all going to come down with a terminal case of the dumb-ass.

There are millions of examples of this (you can probably glean a hundred or more on a typical day), but here are three of my recent favorites:

The Mike Pence Grovel-O-Rama. The Covfefe-In-Chief, at a staff meeting, folds his arms over his chest and asks Vice President Pence, apropos of nothing, to "say a few words." Here's what he got, for starters:

You’ve restored American credibility on the world stage. You’ve signed more bills rolling back federal red tape than any president in American history. You’ve unleashed American energy. You’ve spurred an optimism in this country that is setting records... Because of your leadership, Mr. President, and because of the strong support of the leadership in the Congress of the United States, you’re delivering on [a] middle-class miracle.

I mean, the Vice President of the United States actually said that. Don't you feel a little dumber already, or that you ought to go take a shower?

Imagine Obama and Biden engaging in this self-abasement ritual. "Joe, I'd like you to come over here and drool on my shoes, and then spit-shine them." Hell, imagine this scenario with any other President and Vice President. You can't... and that's a little bit scary.

TO BE CONTINUED

(02/20/18) Here are my other recent candidates for Too Stupid for Words:

"Shithole Countries." In which we see the President of the United States, the Leader of the Free World, using exactly the same language that Sal (parroting his redneck daddy) used in the high school locker room--looking pointedly at the black and brown kids--to lift a leg on his "inferiors." Swell, huh?

"Treasonous." Is Trump so fucking stupid that he doesn't even know what treason is? Or does he really think we should be shipped to Gitmo if we don't applaud his every ill-informed, self-aggrandizing, and hysterical statement?

Either way, people, that's some scary shit.

Posted by Alois on