LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU ANYMORE! Let's see what we've learned in this election cycle:
"Queers are taking over the country!"
"Free abortion on demand!"
"Obama is a Muslim!"
"Obama is a Communist!"
"Obama is a Muslim Communist!"
"Abortion providers should be shot!"
"Workers have no rights!"
"(Especially government workers!)"
"We need so little government we might as well declare anarchy!"
"We need much, much more government!"
"Refuse to pay your taxes!"
"Raise taxes on everyone so folks on welfare can have more money!"
"We're rich, and we need more tax breaks!"
"Obama is the antichrist!"
"All public employees deserve to be punished indefinitely!"
"No one making under $250,000 should have health insurance!"
"Free health insurance for everyone!"
"Why should the working class have jobs OR get food stamps?"
"Iran just feels misunderstood, and wants to be our friend!"
"Kill the bankers!"
"Give the bankers whatever they want (including your house, if you're middle class)!"
"Unemployment is way, way up!"
"Unemployment is way, way down!"
Excuse me if I'm less than thrilled in this election cycle. The above is what passes for our political discourse these days... and no one on either side of the aisle is promoting anything that sounds even vaguely like a solution. Meanwhile gas is $4 a gallon again, killing what remains of a very feeble recovery, and no one can do anything about it. Our healthcare system is out of control, and no one can do anything about it. Unquenchable greed is murdering this country one slow stab at a time, as the wealthy conspire to take more and more from the suffering middle and lower classes to maintain the lifestyle they grew accustomed to during the 1990s. Nobody can do anything about that, either, even though it's patently obvious that that's exactly what is happening.
COULD I EVEN MAKE THIS SHIT UP?!? Here's a letter I received today from our so-called governor (remember, I have contributed to Republican candidates in the past). It's so hysterical that I won't even bother "fisking" it—except to add two bracketed comments, and provide a weblink on one of Walker's comments—and have otherwised reproduced it here verbatim, including the emphasized (underlined) sections (of which there are many), the bad grammar, and the stupid malapropisms. Yes, this vindictive, puerile toddler actually holds the highest office in our state.
I'm facing a tough recall election that threatens all of the progress we've made together for Wisconsin, so I'm asking you to ...
Stick the enclosed "Scott Walker" bumper sticker on your car, van, or truck and ...
Tape the enclosed sign to your front door, window, or your refrigerator.
And if you're able, please write our Friends of Scott Walker campaign a special contribution for $25, $50, $100, $250, $500 or more so I'll have the funds to fight back with truth about our reforms.
As you remember all too well, Wisconsin was a mess when I took over as Governor and the dead weight of Big Government was dragging our Badger State economy down. Years of careless overspending created a state budget deficit that was over three-and-a-half billion dollars.
Our state was losing businesses, jobs, graduates and hope.
Alois, I haven't been Governor long but things are improving. We're making progress. Our economy is coming back to life. Confidence in Wisconsin's business climate is soaring. New jobs are being generated.
But this recall election isn't about Wisconsin's progress ... or even my performance.
It's about the Big Government Big Union's lost power ... and it's about revenge!
Using outsider money [like that's a foreign concept to Scottie!], these far-left ideological zealots got the needed signatures to force a recall election which will cost Wisconsin's taxpayers nearly $10 million. But that $10 million price tag pales in comparison to the tens of millions our opponents will spend to get their way.
But with you by my side, our "Friends of Scott Walker" campaign will fight back with the truth. We'll deliver the conservative message loud and clear that Wisconsin has turned the corner. We're on the right track. We're heading in the right direction and there are brighter days ahead.
Alois, I'm asking for your help in three small but significant ways today.
Find a good spot for your "Scott Walker" bumper sticker.
Do the same with the enclosed sign, too.
And help us win this recall race, defend our record, and fight back with the truth by writing your personal check to "Friends of Scott Walker" for $25, $50, $100, $250, $500 or more.
Our opponents need to wake up to the realization that Wisconsinites are better off than they were before (I think to our opponents dismay). The massive layoffs they predicted didn't happen. The huge spike in property taxes never materialized and, for many, property taxes went down. [Mine went up nearly $250—and I live in an economically distressed small town.]
We made the long-overdue changes that made public employees pay their fair share into their pension and health care plans. We didn't eliminate their collective bargaining powers but we curbed them so they were more in line with most federal employees.
By doing that, we incurred the wrath of the Big Government Big Union powerbrokers and they are more than willing to demonize and demagogue to regain the power they love and lost.
Alois, the attacks against me have already started, but they're just getting going. Before they're through, our rivals will spend tens of millions of dollars in negative TV and radio ads, letter and robo-calls.
They can't afford to tell the truth because they would never win.
So they're peddling propaganda and resorting to lies.
But Wisconsinites have a pretty good sense of radar. We can spot a cheap shot and a phony attack a mile away. I'm optimistic that with your help, we'll run a strong campaign. And with you by my side, I'm confident we'll win.
Each week, as I travel across Wisconsin, I love seeing "Scott Walker" bumper stickers and I'll be on the lookout for yours. Find a good spot for that sign, too.
And please, if you will, write your "Friends of Scott Walker" contribution for $25, $100, $500, $1,000 or more and rush-return it to my personal attention here in Middleton.
Thanks for taking the time to read my letter and I'll appreciate it when you put your bumper sticker, Scott Walker sign and contribution card and envelope to good use.
Onward to Victory,
P.S. Living in Wisconsin, I've heard plenty of people say, "When you're up to your neck in snow, grab a shovel!" Wisconsin was in very bad shape when I took office and we were neck-high in debt. So I seized the opportunity to cut spending, reform government, and put our state back on the right track to prosperity. Alois, I'm proud to represent you as Governor and I hope you're proud of me, too.
"I hope you're proud of me too."
Not likely when, among other things, you've called me a "fat cat" (fat cat school bus driver... doesn't it sound great?!?), a "union thug," and, in your most recent missive (cited above), a "far-left ideological zealot." I'm sorry, but I've managed to live for 55 years without the governor of my state feeling the need to call me names.
Y'know, our commandant governor has been caught in so many lies that it would be becoming rather boring and humdrum by now, if not for the fact that Walker—a man famously accessible only by those who agree with him and give him money—did not control so many aspects of an average Wisconsinite's life, from who can join a union to who can get a mammogram to who can access the statehouse...
They didn't say, "Part of the problem is that no one wants to relocate to North America's only fascist dictatorship," but they came close. Sample:
A variation on the uncertainty theory involves the state's image to outsiders. Until 2011, the theory goes, the word "Wisconsin" evoked associations with the Green Bay Packers, cheese, cows, cold weather and wholesome images of the Midwest. These days, the state carries a whole different slate of connotations: turmoil, chaos and dysfunction, says Berry at the Taxpayer Alliance. He contends that impairs the state's brand and causes outside investors to rethink any plans to relocate jobs, production or research facilities in the state.
I have an even better idea: In a country that has been beaten senseless by nearly six years of depression "recession," maybe the beyond-fortunate rich should just STFU, count their blessings, and contribute to their local food bank.