COULD I EVEN MAKE THIS SHIT UP?!? Here's a letter I received today from our so-called governor (remember, I have contributed to Republican candidates in the past). It's so hysterical that I won't even bother "fisking" it—except to add two bracketed comments, and provide a weblink on one of Walker's comments—and have otherwised reproduced it here verbatim, including the emphasized (underlined) sections (of which there are many), the bad grammar, and the stupid malapropisms. Yes, this vindictive, puerile toddler actually holds the highest office in our state.
I'm facing a tough recall election that threatens all of the progress we've made together for Wisconsin, so I'm asking you to ...
Stick the enclosed "Scott Walker" bumper sticker on your car, van, or truck and ...
Tape the enclosed sign to your front door, window, or your refrigerator.
And if you're able, please write our Friends of Scott Walker campaign a special contribution for $25, $50, $100, $250, $500 or more so I'll have the funds to fight back with truth about our reforms.
As you remember all too well, Wisconsin was a mess when I took over as Governor and the dead weight of Big Government was dragging our Badger State economy down. Years of careless overspending created a state budget deficit that was over three-and-a-half billion dollars.
Our state was losing businesses, jobs, graduates and hope.
Alois, I haven't been Governor long but things are improving. We're making progress. Our economy is coming back to life. Confidence in Wisconsin's business climate is soaring. New jobs are being generated.
But this recall election isn't about Wisconsin's progress ... or even my performance.
It's about the Big Government Big Union's lost power ... and it's about revenge!
Using outsider money [like that's a foreign concept to Scottie!], these far-left ideological zealots got the needed signatures to force a recall election which will cost Wisconsin's taxpayers nearly $10 million. But that $10 million price tag pales in comparison to the tens of millions our opponents will spend to get their way.
But with you by my side, our "Friends of Scott Walker" campaign will fight back with the truth. We'll deliver the conservative message loud and clear that Wisconsin has turned the corner. We're on the right track. We're heading in the right direction and there are brighter days ahead.
Alois, I'm asking for your help in three small but significant ways today.
Find a good spot for your "Scott Walker" bumper sticker.
Do the same with the enclosed sign, too.
And help us win this recall race, defend our record, and fight back with the truth by writing your personal check to "Friends of Scott Walker" for $25, $50, $100, $250, $500 or more.
Our opponents need to wake up to the realization that Wisconsinites are better off than they were before (I think to our opponents dismay). The massive layoffs they predicted didn't happen. The huge spike in property taxes never materialized and, for many, property taxes went down. [Mine went up nearly $250—and I live in an economically distressed small town.]
We made the long-overdue changes that made public employees pay their fair share into their pension and health care plans. We didn't eliminate their collective bargaining powers but we curbed them so they were more in line with most federal employees.
By doing that, we incurred the wrath of the Big Government Big Union powerbrokers and they are more than willing to demonize and demagogue to regain the power they love and lost.
Alois, the attacks against me have already started, but they're just getting going. Before they're through, our rivals will spend tens of millions of dollars in negative TV and radio ads, letter and robo-calls.
They can't afford to tell the truth because they would never win.
So they're peddling propaganda and resorting to lies.
But Wisconsinites have a pretty good sense of radar. We can spot a cheap shot and a phony attack a mile away. I'm optimistic that with your help, we'll run a strong campaign. And with you by my side, I'm confident we'll win.
Each week, as I travel across Wisconsin, I love seeing "Scott Walker" bumper stickers and I'll be on the lookout for yours. Find a good spot for that sign, too.
And please, if you will, write your "Friends of Scott Walker" contribution for $25, $100, $500, $1,000 or more and rush-return it to my personal attention here in Middleton.
Thanks for taking the time to read my letter and I'll appreciate it when you put your bumper sticker, Scott Walker sign and contribution card and envelope to good use.
Onward to Victory,
P.S. Living in Wisconsin, I've heard plenty of people say, "When you're up to your neck in snow, grab a shovel!" Wisconsin was in very bad shape when I took office and we were neck-high in debt. So I seized the opportunity to cut spending, reform government, and put our state back on the right track to prosperity. Alois, I'm proud to represent you as Governor and I hope you're proud of me, too.
"I hope you're proud of me too."
Not likely when, among other things, you've called me a "fat cat" (fat cat school bus driver... doesn't it sound great?!?), a "union thug," and, in your most recent missive (cited above), a "far-left ideological zealot." I'm sorry, but I've managed to live for 55 years without the governor of my state feeling the need to call me names.