Schmaltz und Grieben

November 2008


11/27/08:

WELL, THAT ABOUT RUNS THE CIRCLE: I'd say that Chris Muir pretty well has the Obamessiah nailed.

Posted by Alois on

A THANKSGIVING STORY (reposted, as per yearly tradition, in honor of Michael): Back when my son was seven or eight, his mom was sick with some kinda nasty virus. I was feeling a little green around the gills myself, like I was probably next in line.

It was the kind of flat gray, chilly day that is nearly ubiquitous here in Wisconsin during the month of November (I guess it's weird, but I have always loved days like that). As morning turned into afternoon I was feeling less and less of an appetite; my wife didn't want to even look at food, much less drag herself through the six hour chore of making The Traditional T-Day Dinner. But my son, as little kids are wont to do, was getting hungry.

Back in those days there was a little country store called Steckel's just down the road from us. It was dimly lit, usually empty, and sold only about three things: Beer, tobacco, and hot dogs (that wasn't enough to keep poor old Steckel in business with all the urban people moving south of Madison, but that's a story for another time). Anyway, whenever I went to Steckel's—for beer or tobacco products, typically—I'd pick up a hot dog for my son, who used to have a major jones for hot dogs.

As the day began to darken, which happens at about two in the afternoon in a Wisconsin November, I was trying to get it together in my head to at least go to the supermarket and pick up a roast chicken or something. At least pretend that we were having Thanksgiving dinner.

But then my son had a brilliant idea. "Hey Papa, just forget the Thanksgiving dinner thing. Let's go to Steckel's for some hot dogs!"

He didn't have to work very hard to convince me. Maybe I could manage to choke down a dog. I wasn't feeling very well at all.

We got to Steckel's in the somber gray dusk, bought our hot dogs (which had slightly stale buns and had been on the grill too long) and went right back home. It seemed like a singularly beautiful moment to me; the fact that my son was possessed of that kind of empathy, all the many, many things my family and I had to be grateful for, the battleship gray of the fields and the sky which foretold snow on its way. We ate our hot dogs and watched Planes, Trains and Automobiles, our perennial Thanksgiving movie.

My son has never forgotten that day. "Our best Thanksgiving ever," he says.

I would have to agree.

Posted by Alois on

11/17/08:

IMAGE OF THE DAY: The first accumulating snow of the year (no, it wasn't much, but hey, it's only November!) bears down on Madison.

Image credit: Chad Woodward via NWS Milwaukee-Sullivan

Posted by Alois on

11/12/08:

UH OH, WE'RE FUCKED: Get a load of this twaddle, from a self-identified Generation X'er.

[W]hen we watched Barack Obama's victory speech on Tuesday night, we looked into the eyes of a real leader, and decades of cynicism about politics and grass-roots movements and community melted away in a single moment. We heard the voice of a man who can inspire with his words, who's unashamed of his own intelligence, who's willing to treat the citizens of this country like smart, capable people, worthy of respect. For the first time in some of our lifetimes, we believed.

Suddenly it makes sense, what you've been trying to tell us about John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. Sure, we knew all about their roles in history, we'd learned about them in a million classes, through countless books and documentaries. Eventually, though, the endless memorials and tributes and TV specials and Oliver Stone films grew a little tedious. We didn't quite understand why you've never let those two go, why you'd speak so relentlessly about a better time.

But how could we have known? We were raised under Ronald Reagan, smiling emptily under a shellacked cap of shiny brown hair like a demon clown, warning us (With a knowing nod! With a wink!) about those evil Russians stockpiling nuclear arms thousands of miles away. We were raised by "The Love Boat" and "Eight Is Enough" and "Charlie's Angels," a steady flow of saccharine tales with clunky morals. There were smiling families, hugging and learning important lessons on every channel, while at home, our parents threw dishes at each other's heads. We went to church and learned about God's divine plan every Sunday, but all it took was one Dr. Seuss cartoon about an entire world that existed on a speck of dust, and our belief in God was deconstructed in an instant. Our childhoods were one long existential crisis. We ate Happy Meals while watching the space shuttle blow into tiny bits.

You and all your boomer friends read "I'm OK, You're OK," and tried desperately to avoid the mistakes of your parents, those stoic alcoholics of the so-called Greatest Generation. But you couldn't quite put your ideals into motion. As our parents, you told us to tell you anything, to be honest, to come to you with our problems, but when we did, you were uncomfortable and dismissive. You didn't really want to know how we felt. When we were emotional, you flashed back to that time your drunk mother threw the jack-o'-lantern into the street. You loved us, but you were passive-aggressive and avoidant in spite of your best intentions.

You did your best. But we rose out of that murky soup of love and confusion, of stated beliefs without the actions to back them up, and we grew cynical. We doubted even the most heartfelt, genuine statements. We didn't want to be blind to our own faults, like you were, so we paraded our faults around, exalted in our shortcomings...

I don't even know where to begin.

Let me just say three things:

"Our childhoods were one long existential crisis." Really? Move to fucking Ghana and then talk to me about an "existential crisis."

"[We] tried desperately to avoid the mistakes of your parents, those stoic alcoholics of the so-called Greatest Generation." Those "stoic alcoholics" are the only reason you didn't grow up speaking German and hoping to God no one mistook you for a Jew.

"We were raised under Ronald Reagan, smiling emptily under a shellacked cap of shiny brown hair like a demon clown, warning us (With a knowing nod! With a wink!) about those evil Russians stockpiling nuclear arms thousands of miles away." Here's an idea: See how that sentiment flies in, say, Warsaw or Budapest or Tallinn. Then report back to me when you're done.

Hint: You won't be missed.

Posted by Alois on

SOMETHING TELLS ME SHE'S NOT SCRAPING ICE OFF HER WINDSHIELD, like we already are in this part of the world.

Global warming, dontcha know?

Happy (frigid) Wednesday!

Posted by Alois on

11/11/08:

THANK GOD I LEFT SEATTLE, RE-RE-RE-RE-RE-REDUX: Seattleite Dhimmis Rediscover the Flag

"Barack Obama's presidential win held a poignant significance for liberal Seattleites: This is their America, too."

No, you've got it all wrong, bitches. Obama's victory doesn't mean that this is "your America too." It always WAS "your America," and that's what you don't seem to understand.

When George W. Bush was re-elected, you pissed and moaned about "moving to Canada" (although few of you had the 'nads to do it). You whined that America was a "police state," even if "McChimpy" and his "henchmen" never locked a single one of your rosy asses away. You even went all the way back to the Sixties to dig up phrases like "military-industrial complex," never minding for one minute that it was this selfsame military that made it possible for you to sleep every night on your hypoallergenic faux-down comforter while they chased the bad guys in the hellish sweatbox of the Middle East.

And now you want to be "Americans" again?

Don't make me puke.

You are exactly what is wrong with this country. Mewling about "McChimpy Bu$Hitler," you took an eight-year leave of absence from the responsibilities of citizenship, preferring instead to whine about rigged elections and black helicopters.

Thank God your ilk didn't exist fifty years ago, or we'd all be speaking German now.

Posted by Alois on

TODAY'S MUST-READ: Iowahawk's election post-mortem is hilarious... and accurate.

Posted by Deb on

11/06/08:

ONE FOR THE BROTHAZ AND SISTAZ: Well, it's over.

I've been trying to think of good things to say about Barack Obama's massive win, and for me that's been pretty difficult. But maybe it's not entirely about me.

For one thing, Obama says that he wants to be my President too. I'm going to take him at his word and give him the chance. To do otherwise would be to fail in my duty as an American.

And for another thing, there's our long "racial history" in this country. I for one don't give it much thought, and I like to think that I judge a man (or a woman) on their own individual merits. That doesn't mean, of course, that I am unaware of the cultural problems on both sides of the racial divide. But I've never really seen Obama as the "black President," and my dislike of the bulk of his politics would be no different if he was white (as a matter of fact, a cursory perusal of our archives will show that I had even more distaste for John F. "Haircut" Kerry, a student of no history but his own).

And there's yet another thing. I spend a lot of my time with black people; they have comprised the bulk of my CDL students, and they have done me proud (from Sherri, who passed her yearly driver's evaluation today with the only perfect score I have ever seen, to Kim, who conducted her pre-trip literally, as if she was holding a baton: "My clearance lights is LIT, and they ain't cracked, chipped, or BROKEN! Woo-hoo!"). The black employees where I work, a plurality if not a majority, were quietly excited when Obama gained the nomination and beamed with unrestrained pride when he won the election. My useless "theories" aside, I don't know anything about what it's like to be black; and I can't imagine what it feels like for them to see a black man ascend to the reins of the most powerful nation on Earth.

More woe to the white liberals. Their support for Obama often seemed cheap; as I've said, most of them wouldn't want him to move in next door. They have shamed us all, first with their dark insistence that George W. Bush (who, reliably, was gracious to a fault in congratulating the President-elect) was going to cancel the election and declare himself President-for-Life, and when that didn't pan out, declaring that the Bu$Hitler Administration would never allow a black President. Shame on them for their failure to understand the greatness of this nation, and for reviling America as a police state where blacks have never progressed beyond slavery.

Well, now they know the truth. Some of us always did.

I wish the President-elect the best and will grant him a clean slate. And, at the end, this is one for the brothaz and sistaz. They've waited a long, long time for this moment. Let us not allow rancor and malice and pettiness to stand in the way.

Posted by Alois on

11/04/08:

AMERIKA, MEET YOUR NEW MASTERS: To quote one of my favorite Steve Martin lines, "I can't wait to see what happens next."

S&G suggestion: Hide your guns, and be careful what you say.

Those huge Soviet-style posters I saw all over downtown Madison today, hectoring people to VOTE OBAMA!, were an ominous harbinger of things to come.

Welcome to the Days of Darkness, Amerika.

Posted by Alois on

WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY! Aerosmith's Joe Perry endorses McCain

Ever notice how the vast majority of excellent American rockers are conservative?

Sorry, but I'll take an Iggy Pop (or a Joe Perry, or an Alice Cooper) over Bruce Springsteen any day of the week. (Sorry, Mitch.) And, tellingly, the conservatives don't tend to be singing about an America that ceased to exist in the 1960s ("she bought a ticket on the Central Line...").

Posted by Alois on