Schmaltz und Grieben mit Alois, Klaus, Deb und der Lugers

September 2007

09/28/07:

YOU'RE RIGHT, BUSH IS DEFINITELY MUCH SCARIER THAN THIS GUY: When George Bush gets up to speak, I must confess, it does scare me. I'm afraid of what might come tripping out of his mouth like I'm afraid I'll splash tomato sauce all over my white blouse while eating a big bowl of spaghetti. I'm worried I'll be embarrassed and have another stain on the fabric of my pride as a conservative and as an American.

But when Mamoud Ahmadinejad gets up to speak, as he did this week in front of the UN, it scares me in a completely different way. I'm afraid of what comes out of his mouth the way I'm afraid to watch SAW II alone in a dark house in the middle of nowhere during a thunderstorm. When he speaks, I'm worried my kids won't get to grow up, or that, at best they'll be growing up during a 21st Century Great Depression, at worst that they'll be struggling to survive in a post-apocalyptic world--either of which scenario would be brought about by Ahmadinejad himself.

When George Bush gets up to pray in front of a crowd, he prays to Jesus, Prince of Peace, teacher of tolerance, lover of enemies.

When Ahmadinejad gets up to pray in front of a crowd, he prays to a mythical 8 year-old known as The 12th Imam who, according to Mamoud, will only return after a period of chaos on Earth.

Anyone else besides me having visions of Revelations here? In whose closet would you imagine you'd find the fabled blue turban of the anti-Christ? Bush's, or Ahmadinejad's? Which of these two men literally prays for destruction and chaos to happen sooner? Which one makes it governmental policy to plan for those prayers to be answered (and to make sure that they are, even if the *real* God had something else in mind for this century)?

Hint: Not the uber-scary menace to civilization, George Bush.

Bush is hardly my favorite guy right now, but in a contest between him and a genocidal maniac with a messianic complex, I'm gonna go with him!

At least Bush isn't looking forward to the destruction of civilization as we know it. I know, damning with faint praise perhaps, but it's a far cry from the surreal assertions of the Daily Kossacks that Ahmadinejad is not as scary as Bush!

What kind of mental disease is it that infects the mind to the degree that it can look at these two men and--while both are deeply flawed--come to the conclusion that Ahmadinejad is still the lesser of the two evils? Is it because he looks like a guy the average pale fleshy human-turd that is your average Kossack could take in a one-on-one fist fight? (Unlike Bush who probably reminds them of every jock/frat-boy who ever refused to acknowledge their nerdy greatness in High School.)

Is it because he never wears a tie, and therefore never reminds them of their fathers, and I'm sure Bush often does? Or is it because Iran is just far enough away from the location of their own navels that they figure they're "safe" from whatever hell he has in store for people closer to home?

Whichever reason or combination of reasons you select, you're still choosing a mental illness of some sort, don't you think? What rational person would see these two men as even comparably threatening? Do these people honestly believe Iraq is as bad as it can get? Do they seriously think that Bush is to blame for Ahmadinejad's aggressiveness, then? Really? So all this talk about the 12th Imam, that's something Ahmadinejad came up with *in response* to Bush's policies? That's funny...."MadMoud," as he's often called, has been on this 12th Imam kick since 1979, when he helped take our embassy workers hostage. As far as I know, Bush wasn't President then, we weren't in Iraq yet, and there was a DEMOCRAT in the White House. Hmmmmm....Perplexing, is it not?

Well no matter, the Kossacks would say, Bush is still the real villain here. If he would just disappear in a cloud of dust, the world would instantly metamophose into the land of milk and honey. Our enemies would love us and lay down their weapons, terrorists would go out of business (as would the evil Halliburton) and we could teach the world to sing "Kumbaya," in perfect harmony, we could buy the world a Coke, and keep it company.

It's odd, because from where I sit, the only cloud of dust I imagine we'll see is the one shaped like a mushroom over Tel Aviv courtesy of Mr. Reasonable himself, MadMoud Ahmadinejad.

Posted by Deb on

09/27/07:

AN "ATHEIST FAG" WITH HIS HEAD (MOSTLY) ON STRAIGHT: Ordinarily I don't think I'd have a lot to say to a self-described "atheist fag," since I am neither and that particular moniker seems to carry a lot of baggage with it—baggage I think I could just as easily live without.

However, I've got to hand it to this particular Atheist Fag for his No Homos in Iran, Except Those Killed for Being Queer. Unlike, say, his fellows at the Columbia University Queer Alliance, Atheist Fag has no doubt where his allegiances lie, and knows exactly how well he and his kind would fare under any sort of Islamic state. Witness:

Speaking at Columbia University in New York City yesterday, the President of Iran told a number of lies and made quite a few ridiculous claims. But the most obviously stupid lie told by this cold-blooded killer was the farcical claim that there are no homosexuals in Iran.

It is widely known that the extremely stupid, dumbass, retarded religion that forms the stupid half of the deadly Iranian Church-State calls for the death penalty for anyone identified as gay.

For those afflicted with religious beliefs here in America, Iran and its murderous regime should serve as a stark example of what inevitably happens when the two powerful evil forces of Religion and Politics are not kept at arms length from each other.

Governments are especially expert at killing people, it is the threat of death that keeps governments in power. And religions are highly skilled at identifying bad people that must be put to death “Surely there blood shall be upon them” appears in dozens of places in the idiotic Christian Bible, for example.

So, when religion and politics get married the streets are soon filled with blood. Ayaz Marhoni and Mahmoud Asgari were two Iranian gay teens put to death for loving each other. Later the Iranian Bureau of Fiction made up the story that they had raped a younger child, but curiously this invention did not appear until after the civilized world reacted to this Iranian crime against humanity.

When Iranian asshole Ahmadinejad claims that there are no queers in Iran, what he really means is that they kill them as quickly as they are discovered. Like Our Glorious Christian Leader here in America, you can tell when Ahmadinejad is lying by watching to see if his lips are moving. Fuck Iran.

Tough stuff, and it goes almost without saying that I don't agree with a lot of it. But at least Atheist Fag has the courage of his convictions, and doesn't go snivelling around a psychotic homophobic murderer like the oh-so-politically-correct GLBTs at the Columbia University Queer Alliance.

Posted by Alois on

09/25/07:

DAILY GAAAAAAZ-O-LEEEEEEN! AWARD. Scrappleface: Ahmadinejad to Visit Ground Zero, Or Vice Versa

Money quote:

“You know the old expression,” Mr. Bush said. “If Mahmoud can’t come to Ground Zero, we may have to bring Ground Zero to Mahmoud.”

Posted by Alois on

"NO QUEERS IN IRAN... JUST 'SAME-SEX PRACTITIONERS'" The pathetic pansies of the Columbia [University] Queer Alliance trip all over themselves to appease Adolf Ahmadinejad, a man who would gladly have all of them swinging from the ubiquitous Iranian cranes if he had his way:

We stand in solidarity with our peers in Iran, but we do not presume to speak for them. We cannot possibly claim to understand the multiple and diverse experiences of living with same-sex desires in Iran. Our cultural values and experiences are distinct, but the stakes are one and the same: the essential human right to express our desires freely. Moreover, we would like to strongly caution media and campus organizations against the use of such words as "gay", "lesbian", or "homosexual" to describe people in Iran who engage in same-sex practices and feel same-sex desire. The construction of sexual orientation as a social and political identity and all of the vocabulary therein is a Western cultural idiom. As such, scholars of sexuality in the Middle East generally use the terms "same-sex practices" and "same-sex desire" in recognition of the inadequacy of Western terminology. President Ahmadinejad's presence on campus has provided an impetus for us all to examine a number of issues, but most relevant to our concerns are the complexities of how sexual identity is constructed and understood in different parts of the world.

Yeah, um, right. Good luck with that conversation.

("Hat" "tip": Andrew Sullivan)

[UPDATE 09/25/07 PM: Here is some graphic footage of what recently happened to a couple of teenaged "same-sex practitioners" in the Islamic Republic.]

Posted by Alois on

SPLISH SPLASH, I WUZ... well, standing in the bathtub.

Happy Tuesday!

Image credit: Bullz-Eye

Posted by Alois on

09/24/07:

DAILY GAAAAAAZ-O-LEEEEEEN! AWARD: "I am being very sincere here. I’m a Muslim. I cannot tell a lie.” — Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Posted by Alois on

PLAIN TALK FROM OUR FAVORITE AMPHIBIAN: Contrary to what candidates in either party may think, the political dividing line in America doesn’t run between the GOP and minorities. For most Americans, it’s not even found between Republicans and Democrats, or the red-versus-blue-state invention of the media.

The real division is between hardworking, tax-paying Americans—of both parties and all races—and an entrenched, permanent governing system in Washington and state capitals designed to serve its own needs and not the needs of the American people.

Over the 42 years since the beginning of Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society, the increasing power of public employee unions, the growth of the bureaucracies, the rise of lawyers, the development of complex regulatory legalism, and the entrenchment of an elite establishment that imposes political correctness have combined to create this permanent governing class system.

And the values of this permanent government are not those of the Americans who pay the taxes and the union dues that support it. Its bureaucracies value process more than achievement; its lawyers value rules over results; and its politically correct elite value avoiding embarrassment more than telling the truth about failure. — Newt Gingrich (hat tip: KevinV)

Amen.

Posted by Alois on

09/21/07:

BETTER GET YOUR ASS TO SCHOOL, BOY, OR WE'LL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE VERMIN: Obviously, things have changed since I was in school.

What really cracks me up is that this state wonders why it has "problems." Anyone? Bueller?

Posted by Alois on

HMMMM... While reading Kathleen Norris' Dakota, I happened upon this quote by St. Hilary:

Everything that seems empty is full of the angels of God.

Sounds like St. Hilary's [near-]namesake might be taking that a wee bit too literally.

Posted by Alois on

09/20/07:

STOP, THIEF! A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.

The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.

Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny.

(Hat tip: JoAnn)

Posted by Alois on