Schmaltz und Grieben mit Alois, Klaus und der Lugers
May 2003

5/1/03:

HAPPY MAY DAY from us! I don't know what to say just yet, but I'll think of something....

sorry

HOW COME all you hear about from Iraq these days is the crazies who are obviously being whipped up by Shi`ite mullahs or Ba’athist party regulars—leaving the impression that the entire nation hates us and wants us to leave? Incidents like this one are much less reported, and buried in specialty media like The Weekly Standard:

One man comes up to the Bradley with a bowl of small wrinkly dates and some delicious flat bread--the first fresh food anyone onboard has tasted for a long time. "Thank you," say Captain Hume, Sergeant Deckard, and a hungry reporter. "No, thank YOU," says the Iraqi man with a smile.

The friendliness is overwhelming, so much so that on the way home Sergeant Deckard says, "I hope we're going to do right by this country."

posted by Alois 05/01/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





THOUGHT FOR THE DAY (especially appropriate for May Day): “The nightmare that Saddam Hussein has brought to your nation will soon be over. You are a good and gifted people – the heirs of a great civilization that contributes to all humanity. You deserve better than tyranny and corruption and torture chambers. You deserve to live as free people. And I assure every citizen of Iraq: your nation will soon be free.”

--President George W. Bush

posted by Alois 05/01/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





SAM, SAM, SAM... The irrepressible Mr Muldia pulls another, er, Muldia today with this:

"Yes, it's the first of May yet again, and socialists, communists, marxists, stalinists, maoists, anarchosyndicalists, anarchists, envirowackos, PETArds, idiotarians, and Teddy Kennedy are out breaking things and throwing liquor bottles at the police. Yes, it's the international Lefties Break Stuff Day™...

"That's right, Tim Robbins, my dear actor-turned-meteorologist, us Estonians can only imagine the chillness of the winds blowing across America, the climate of fear moving in from Washington D.C., with heavy showers of McCarthyism following a political pressure front. A private organization refusing to give you a podium to shout down the Imperialist American Capitalist Swine? What nerve!"

Truly chilling stuff, Sam... but you forgot Hillary Clinton, the real antichrist!

posted by Alois 05/01/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/5/03:

TORNADO WARNING. Today something occurred to me that points out just what a strained, tense, and bracing couple of years it’s been.

As you have probably gathered if you’ve been out to my “normal” site (ThereHeIs), I’m a semi-meteorologist (“semi” because I have never actually been employed in the profession). My major field, and one in which I have been published several times, is the study of tornadoes. Yesssssss, tornadoes… and to really “date” me, I was studying tornadoes long, long before the Twister movie and the commecial storm-chaser package tours—in fact, I was even a participant at the 1991 Symposium on Tornadoes in Oklahoma City. Yow!

Anyway, I used to always feel a certain tingly excitement at this time of year. Not because I am now or have ever been an ambulance storm chaser—please read Why I’m Not A Storm Chaser if you want to know why—but because this is part of what I am and what I do.

Today is the second day of a major tornado outbreak in the south-central U.S., and this morning I felt something of that old rush return when I’d monitor the hourly bulletins and updates from the Storm Prediction Center and the Interactive Weather Information Network and excitedly keep track of the moisture profiles, lifted indices, and radar images. None of it has seemed to matter since September 11. In fact, I’ve hardly noticed the weather at all, which is about the saddest statement a meteorologist can make.

Some part of me has always belonged to an optimist, and maybe this is a sign that things are really beginning to look up. I hope so. And not just for me, either—for all of us.

posted by Alois 05/05/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/6/03:

TO THE SAVVY SHOPPER: Here’s a list of the countries that were our coalition partners in the war on Iraq. If you’re like Klaus und I, you will go out of your way to purchase products from these upstanding members of the world community:

Afghanistan, Albania, Angola, Australia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Colombia, Costa Rica, Czech Republic, Denmark , Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Honduras, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Japan, Kuwait, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Marshall Islands, Micronesia, Mongolia, Netherlands, Nicaragua, Palau, Panama, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Rwanda, Singapore, Slovakia, Solomon Islands, South Korea, Spain, Tonga, Uganda, Ukraine, United Kingdom, United States, Uzbekistan. (Countries in bold contributed militarily to the Coalition.)

Of course it goes without saying that German and Belgian products should be avoided—and that one ought NEVER, EVER purchase anything having its origins in the Weasel’s Republic of France.

Helpful Shopping Hints. Chocolates: Try those originating in Italy, Poland, and Denmark. Wines: Hungary, Australia, and Bulgaria all make excellent wines, some of them rivaling anything that ever came out of France. Cheese: No one rivals the good old United States of America in this department... especially not the cheeses originating in our home state of Wisconsin. Perfume: Estonia makes the sweet stuff, and we do a pretty good job right here in the U.S.A. too. Beer: For our money, the best beer in the world always came from the Czech Republic (Pilsner Urquell)—and the United Kingdom, Australia, the Netherlands, and Japan don’t do too shabby of a job either!

posted by Alois 05/06/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





DAILY GAAAAAAZ-O-LEEEEEEN!AWARD goes to Jonah Goldberg for this trenchant observation: “Of course, nothing says ‘solidarity with the proletariat’ like a lobster-and-champagne fête cordoned off by a ring of guard dogs, armed ‘ushers,’ and metal detectors.”

He’s talking, of course, about the Hollywood Dumbocrats.

posted by Alois 05/06/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





WHAT ISN’T RIGHT ABOUT AMERICA: I guess another sign that life might, prayerfully, be returning to normal is that I once again feel the urge to get a few things off my chest that have to do with domestic, not foreign, policy.

I get the feeling that a lot of my fellow conservo-bloggers endeavor to overlook some of the genuine problems in a pure free-market capitalist system. In a nutshell: The safety nets we have exist not only to take hard-earned money out of the pockets of the deserving, but also because there are always plenty of people that, through no fault of their own, just can’t quite ‘measure up’ and contribute enormously to our economy. This may be because they’re sick or injured or unemployed… or it could be, and I don’t mind saying it, that maybe in some cases they’re just not as really wonderful and smart as the rest of us are. Does that mean these people should just be left to fend for themselves? Not in any kind of fundamentally decent society.

I’m also getting tired of apologists for our health-care system, and these apologists include many of my favorite bloggers and pundits. Health care is a basic human right—and too many of us these days don’t have access to it. I’m sorry, but you’ve got to have your head way, way, way up in the clouds not to see that something stinks in our health care system. Am I the only one on the right side of the fence who thinks that there is something unholy in the American menage-a-trois of HMOs, insurance companies, and pharmaceutical manufacturers? Just saying that “socialized medicine is no better” doesn’t cut it, either. Neither does the disingenuous plea that medical costs in this country continue to skyrocket because our pharmoconglomerates have to spend half our GNP every year researching the super-duper wonderful drugs that most of us can’t afford anyway. These are just cheap cop-outs to avoid facing the issue that the “holy trinity” is getting obscenely rich while fewer and fewer Americans are able to afford the most basic health care. Again, this isn’t the same thing as Sam Walton or Bill Gates getting ridiculously wealthy; health care, unlike shopping at Wal-Mart or using Windows, is—again—a basic human right.

Nope, what our “holy trinity” is really up to is much more reminiscent of Saddam’s robbery of his own people so he could build ridiculously opulent pleasure palaces. It’s that offensive, and that wrong. Am I going to have more to say on this in the future? You’d better believe it.

posted by Alois 05/06/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/7/03:

AWWW, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY: Isn’t there a cave in Paktia Province somewhere where we can send Ken Connor and his Family Research Council so they can commune with their Taliban brethren? Sample quote:

"Beyond a few tepid statements of personal support for [Senator Rick] Santorum, no prominent national GOP leader seems willing or able to mount a spirited, principled defense of marriage and family…the question naturally arises: have Republicans been so intimidated by the smear tactics of the homosexual lobby and its Democratic attack dogs that they are cowering in silence?"

Mullah Omar would be proud.

posted by Alois 05/07/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





DAILY GAAAAAAZ-O-LEEEEEEN! AWARD goes to “Dave,” who had this to say on The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler:

”You know, I'm watching the news up here in Seattle, and the USS Abraham Lincoln just pulled back into port. Massive party in Everett right now. People jumping up and down, sailors hugging wives or girlfriends or families, some sailors seeing children for the first time in 10 months… or just for the first time period. It's a joyous sight.

”But I'd bet that most of them would jump right back on the ship if we told them the next target was Paris.”

posted by Alois 05/07/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





ALOIS SPRECHEN: "NO MORE 'PURPORTED AUDIO TAPES'!!! THIS IS INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE! Shit, why don't I make a tape and say I'm both bin Laden AND Saddam? I could probably sell it to the media!"

UND ZEN, KLAUS SPRECHEN: AP-"The Alois tape! It was handed to Mr. Alois by a nervous, middle-eastern man while Mr. Alois was eating his lunch at Smokey Jon's BBQ. The man then disappeared. The (audio) tape is of a conversation between Mr. Hussein and Mr. bin Laden who met in a Turkish bath in Paris. They are quoted as saying that the ground under the feet of the infidels would turn into fire spitting serpents and encouraged the Iraqi people to praise these Serpents of the Wrath of Allah, to rise up in the streets and cast the infidels into the sea. The tape is currently being analyzed at the Madison Media Institute to determine if it's a genuine TDK or a cheap Cambodian knockoff."

posted by Alois 05/07/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/8/03:

NOT IN OUR NAME: Funny that the New York Times is suddenly running stories like this after practically tripping all over themselves to convince America that any war with Iraq was a bad, bad idea. Money quote:

”One man with strong feelings about this decision is Professor Hilal al-Bayyati, a computer scientist who studied in the United States during the 1960's and built the National Computer Center in Iraq. During the months after his arrest in late 2000, he found himself talking to insects. By the thousands they shared his 6-foot-by-4-foot cell at the intelligence headquarters in Baghdad.

”’The cell was painted red, a very bad red, and there were about 10,000 insects in there and you really did talk to them because you were in isolation. You made friends with them. When you were fed, they came to dinner,’ he said, sitting at home yesterday, surrounded by friends and reunited with his wife and children.

”The experience of prison under Mr. Hussein's rule, living naked and sick in small cells next to men who wept when the torturers came, the experience of being ripped away from life, job, family, of having all his possessions and savings confiscated in the name of the Baath Party, of being terrorized so profoundly for no reason that was ever stated, all this has given him a mission: to destroy the party and ban its senior members from government positions now that Mr. Hussein has been overthrown.”

posted by Alois 05/08/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/9/03:

MITCH BERG, one of my favorite bloggers, waxes near-homicidal on one of my own favorite pet peeves: the inconsiderate, rude, or even psychotic drivers that have turned a formerly relaxing pastime (driving) into a daily flirtation with the Reaper.

Mitch has been having trouble with his permalinks, so I am going to post his little essay in its entirety here. True poetry:

You Know Who You Are - When you got over your infatuation with the "General Lee" and your childhood desire to be Bo Luke, you graduated to your real teenage desire - to be a fighter pilot.

That dream lasted about two months, until you were told that your 20/100 eyesight and atrocious reflexes would disqualify you from flight training. So you went on to your true vocation - processing titles for UltraTitle in Woodbury.

Your life has taken its bad turns; you're 36, can't get a date (although losing 50 pounds might do wonders, if you can find a very nearsighted woman who's got a thing for doughy faces), you have $12,000 in credit card debt and a ratty townhouse in Golden Valley, your 4x/week beer habit is making you crabby, you've been passed over for promotion to branch manager three times now, and more and more frequently you've been coming up on the wrong ends of the fights you start when your "little guy syndrome" mixes with your "liquid courage" on Friday nights at Champs.

But one part of the dream still remains, as you weave through traffic, pretending you're at the stick of an F-15E, swerving at 80mph through the 50mph traffic.

Which is what you were doing at 8:45 this morning on I-94, eastbound at Dale Street. You raced up behind the delivery truck in the middle lane, swerved out from behind him with about four feet to spare, rode up so close to my back bumper that my "Deserve Victory" sticker has "Dodge" imprinted onto it, and then swerved across two lanes of traffic with two inches to spare between me, the delivery truck and the Geo Metro to my immediate left.

So, on behalf of my son (who was in the seat next to me) and the people on the road this morning that you came one hiccup away from smearing along the nearest abutment, all I can say is this: I hope the extra donut you ate with the 12 seconds you saved yourself getting to work by driving like a ferret on espresso gave you heartburn, you piece of filth.

OK. I'm done.

That is all.

posted by Alois 05/09/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





OUTTA HERE. See y'all Tuesday... and Do Good.

posted by Alois 05/09/03

..........

5/15/03:

BLOGGING. I have been truant lately, for which I duly apologize. Lots of stuff going on, some good, some not so good. But I will do better now.

Honest.

posted by Alois 05/15/03

MITCH BERG, again: “Just Watch... - ...as the media spins the attacks in Riyadh as some sort of defeat against the War on Terror. It makes sense, I think, in the same way that it made sense that the last shots fired by die-hard Nazis were fired in Berlin, rather than in New York. They're on home turf!

"Truth is, the fact that it's taken Al Quaeda 19 months to carry out a serious follow-up attack, on what is essentially their home field, shows how well things are going in the War, not how badly.”

Good call, Mitch.

posted by Alois 05/15/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





AND DON’T MISS: Deb’s Parental Pledge. If every American parent would abide by these standards, we’d never have to worry about the future of our country.

posted by Alois 05/15/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





ANDREW SULLIVAN already linked to this, but in case you haven’t been out to his site in a couple of days, don’t miss this incredible editorial in The Arab News. We are, indeed, making real progress in this war.

posted by Alois 05/15/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/16/03:

OR HOW ABOUT… A crazy libertarian gal from Des Moines?

Hey, why not. I’ve had a lot of fun lately surfing around Inside Gretchen’s Head. She’s really out there, and I’m pleased to add her to our Roll of BlogHonor up top.

posted by Alois 05/16/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





BIN LADEN DIDN’T “GIVE” ANYBODY JACK SHIT... because he’s dead. Why do our esteemed news agencies persist in playing along with this favorite fiction of the Islamofascists—that pumping al-Jazeera with an audiotape actually proves anything?!?! As several folks in the blogosphere have pointed out, all OBL would have to do is show up on videotape holding a copy of today’s New York Times and he would make a much, much better case for his vivacity. But he doesn’t. And it’s been sixteen months since Tora Bora.

I’m not buying it, and neither, apparently is anyone else—except a few Islamo-freaks and the big news media..

posted by Alois 05/16/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





QUOTE OF THE DAY: Hard to beat this li’l gemette from Michele Catalano:

”Guess who's gonna end up playing air guitar to Poison while wearing a coconut bra and little else? That's right. Me. And when we are all too drunk to stand, we'll sit around watching Sixteen Candles.

posted by Alois 05/16/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





TODAY’S DON’T-MISS: Bill Safire on why the Poles should be—and are about to be—rewarded for putting up when it came to put-up-or-shut-up... and why the French and their running dogs (no slight intended to dogs) can take a flying you-know-what at a rolling doughnut.

posted by Alois 05/16/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





HAW HAW HAW. Just plain haw haw haw haw haw! Courtesy the Rottweiler.

posted by Alois 05/16/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/19/03:

QUOTE OF THE DAY: “...I think it's largely true that today's right looks for converts whereas today's left looks for heretics. That's why the left tends to be duller, more self-absorbed and generally less entertaining than the right. The right is always trying to build an audience; the left is busy purging theirs.”

--Andrew Sullivan

posted by Alois 05/19/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





DAILY GAAAAAAAZ-O-LEEEEEEEN! AWARD:

A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new Jeep Cherokee appeared out of a dust cloud, advanced toward him and stopped. The driver, a 20-something fella wearing a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, and a YSL tie, leaned out of the window and asked the shepherd, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the young guy, then at his peacefully grazing flock, and calmly answered, "sure."

The young man parked his car, whipped out his notebook computer, connected it to a cell phone, surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, then opened up a database and some Excel spreadsheets with complex formula. He finally printed out a 15-page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turned around to our shepherd and said, "You have here exactly 1,586 sheep!"

"Amazing! That's correct! Like I agreed, you can have one of my sheep," said the shepherd.

The shepherd watched the man make a selection and bundle it into his Cherokee. When he was finished the sheepherder said, "If I can tell you exactly what your political persuasion is and who you work for, will you give me back my sheep?"

"Okay, why not," answered the young man.

"You're a Democrat and you're working for Jesse Jackson," said the shepherd.

"Wow! That's correct," said the young man. "How did you ever guess that?"

"Easy," answered the shepherd. "Nobody called you, but you showed up here anyway. You want to be paid for providing a solution to a question I already knew the answer to. And you clearly don't know squat about what you're doing. Now . . . can I have my dog back?”

--Unknown

posted by Alois 05/19/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/20/03:

DAMNED CROSSWINDS. I used to restrain myself from saying anything bad about my web hoster; after all, I was using a free service. But now that I have to pay a yearly fee for the same “free service” (WITH all the annoying popups y’all have come to know and love), I can let loose.

My yesterday’s posts didn’t show up till today because, although I could get into my blog HTML, all Crosswinds sites were offline yesterday (and now you know why I won’t foot the bill for the premium service—what would be the point?). I guess I should feel fortunate that it wasn’t one of the two times in the past when they mysteriously deep-sixed my entire website… of course, I did have a functional backup, but I felt very sorry for all the newbies that had to learn the hard way what “catastrophic failure” really means.

And I don’t know when this particular post, or anything else I might construct offline (where I construct everything, of course) will actually show up, because today it appears that the vaunted Authentication Server has crashed again and, although Crosswinds sites are back up, some of us lucky few that the Authentication Server doesn’t cotton to can’t get into our HTML.

Just when I thought I could get back to blogging, and just after our California angel Gretchen did Klaus und I a huge favor by linking us to her very popular blog (we look forward to the new readership—thanks, Gretchen!).

posted by Alois 05/20/03

..........

5/21/03:

UNLESS YOU BE BRAIN-DEAD, you’ve probably already read and/or linked to Bill Whittle’s latest killer essay, Magic. I don’t know how the guy keeps doing it, but that’s beside the point. You vill read it. Ja. Und you vill read it now. Jawohl!

posted by Alois 05/21/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





IN CASE YOU NEEDED TO VOMIT: This should do more for you than sticking your finger down your throat.

”"Anyone who tells you that my race didn't play a role in my career at The New York Times is lying to you. Both racial preferences and racism played a role. And I would argue that they didn't balance each other out. Racism had much more of an impact.”

--Jayson Blair (via The Drudge Report)

posted by Alois 05/21/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





QUOTE OF THE DAY, from the oft-quotable Mitch Berg:

”I was in a "discussion" with a particularly irritating DFLer [DFL=Democratic Farm Labor Party, the “ruling elite” in Minnesota until very recently--ed.] the other day - a man that fits every unfortunate, demeaning stereotype I've put forth about DFLers. Let's call him "Ben Anjerry". He was a fiftyish, thin, new-agey, retro-hippie, Wellstone-worshipping, henpecked-looking man who teaches some soft-science at a local college.”

posted by Alois 05/21/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





HEY! I’ve just solved the Broblem of the Balestinian Beoble, once and for all!

And HERE is what the new Balestinian Homeland will be called:

Guantanamo Bay.

A veritable Tropical Paradise for all the Boor Little Balestinians! Bwaa haa haa!

posted by Alois 05/21/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS... by about this time of the week, I just get tired of the bullshit. In fact, I may declare Wednesday “Tired Of The Bullshit Day.”

The Palestinians have shown no evidence in recent years that they are truly interested in having their own state, at least not if it means coexisting with the Israelis. Well I for one do not feel inclined (and I think I speak for the majority of Israelis here as well) to bend over as far as I can and see what the Hamas-supporting Palestinian “Authority”’s idea of a brave new world looks like. They blew that chance when they wouldn’t accept the Barak deal; they blew it again on September 11 when they were out in the street laughing their asses off; and they blew it most recently when they made it plain that they supported Saddamned Insane in GW2. Oh yes, and they blow it totally out the window every time they send a suicide bomber into Israel. These people aren’t serious and they can’t be trusted. The Palestinians have proven only that they are in no way ready for anything resembling statehood, especially not at Israeli expense.

More bullshit: Can’t we do something here in the United States to come up with a middle way?

We have evolved into a two-party system that looks, in essence, something like this: The Republicans can’t be trusted with domestic policy, and the Democrats can’t be trusted with… uh, anything.

I see a microcosm of this reality here in my state government job: Under the Republican administrations in place from 1988 until last year, the state enjoyed a period of expansion until too many sweetheart deals and tax loopholes were made for too many fat-cat contractors and sports supporters (note I refrained from saying “athletic supporters”) and far too much of the state budget started lining the pockets of far too little of the populace. The Republican’s idea of how to fix this was to give everyone in the state a check for $300 (gasp). It doesn’t sound like much—and it wasn’t—but it had the effect of demolishing the state’s rainy-day fund and sending us spiraling uncontrollably into the red.

Enter the Democrats.

I would be the first to admit that they inherited the fiscal mess and had little to do with its creation. But in the most uninspired (that’s a polite term) fit of budget-cutting in the history of this state, the Dems chose to gut the state’s ag department—and this in a state with a very large agricultural industry—and get rid of tax agents and auditors (gee, wonder who brings the money in? but, well, never mind). Meanwhile, their favorite programs—natural resources, family services, the university system—were scarcely touched. After the first few rounds of layoffs of beleaguered state workers, the Dems next announced that paid health insurance for state workers was no longer a sacred cow and that employees should have to kick in a goodly percentage of the cost of their insurance (wonder who’s in bed with the insurance companies? Hmmmm… since an individual employee has nowhere near the leverage of the state government as a whole, this basically puts state workers entirely at the mercy of our gluttonous health-insurance/HMO industry). And this is the “party of the little guy”? Don’t make me laugh. It will be up to the next administration—which almost certainly won’t be Democratic—to figure out how to recruit state workers for the decimated civil workforce when the only two selling points of state employment (job security and great benefits) are gone... thanks to the Dumbocrats.

High-level appointees of this administration are a sorry sight, too, so much so that most of us are starting to miss the stout old Republicans with their American-flag lapels who used to roam our halls. A race of lean, hungry yuppies in expensive suits, they barricade themselves in their corner offices and gab with friends on their cell phones all day, ordering the “peons” around in ways the Republicans never dreamed of. So far, the only noticeable initiative I have seen them show is trying to figure out how to get more and better toys for their own offices (PDAs, flat-panel monitors, fax machines) at a time when the state is hemorrhaging employees and the rank and file is trying to figure out how in the hell they are going to afford to keep themselves insured.

Next Wednesday I think I’m going to go off on civil liberties. Thanks, I’m done for now.

posted by Alois 05/21/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





DAILY GAAAAAAAZ-O-LEEEEEEEN! AWARD goes to JB Doubtless over at Fraters Libertas for this long-overdue social observation:

”And somewhere in the closet lay those sandals you got a few years ago… Let’s just end this little charade right now, shall we? The sandals must go. Dispatch them to the ash can this instant. You are an adult, and unless you’re still an active hacky-sacker or a university professor, then it must end, now.”

Were, alas, that it were so...

posted by Alois 05/21/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





..........

5/22/03:

ROBBIN’ HOODS. Was just thinking of a parody Mad Magazine did of “Bonnie and Clyde”—funny how much of the classic Bill Gaines-era Mad I can still remember after all these years. Anyway the parody was called “Balmy and Clod” and included this classic line, voiced by Clod as the duo shoots up yet another bank:

”Call us Robbin’ Hoods. We robs from the poor and we gives to ourselves! Haw, haw, haw!”

That just about sums up the uniquely American phenomenon of the “health maintenance organization.” I do not understand for the life of me why conservatives feel the need to defend the onslaught of HMOs—like they are the only alternative to socialized medicine?

HMOs, and their attendant philosophy of “managed care,” are a cancer on the very notion of medicine. Sure, the theory can be explained in such a way as to make it sound like the idea is to keep a bunch of hypochondriac Medicare patients from monopolizing American healthcare, and there may even be some truth in that notion. But one must look beneath the surface (actually, not very far at all beneath the surface) to see how badly this rot has infected us.

Tell me: Where is the “market-driven” component to a system that keeps millions and millions of Americans from seeing the doctor they wish to see? A system that tells you WHAT doctor you can see, and WHEN, is in no way “market-driven.” As a matter of fact, it’s pretty much the same as socialized medicine—except that it costs a lot more, and somebody is making a veritable shitpile of money from it. Meanwhile the price of everything medical rises exponentially every year.

In Madison, Wisconsin, the three leading HMOs have all built themselves gigantic modern hospitals—in some cases, one on each side of town—in the past couple of years. Madison is, of course, the home of the University of Wisconsin and its famous state-of-the-art research hospital, as well as two other major hospitals that have been here forever. Three big hospitals should be more than adequate for a city of 200,000—n’est ce pas? Apparently not. The HMOs obviously feel the need to have more control over both the patients they see and the doctors who do their work.

But even if one accepts this—and I certainly don’t—one must still ask where all the money came from. How does an HMO like DeanCare come up with the cash to build two hospitals in two years in a county with a population of less than half a million? Now there’s a no-brainer, folks…

Just call us Robbin’ Hoods. We robs from the poor, and we gives to ourselves. Haw, haw, haw!

posted by Alois 05/22/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

"I don’t blame Rockford College President Pribbenow for this very poor choice of speaker; I do blame him for not intervening as this poorly chosen speaker alienated the majority of the audience. From my vantage point next to the stage, I observed a female graduate pleading with him, tears in her eyes, “Make him stop! This is our graduation! My family wants to leave.” Pribbenow acknowledged her with an arrogant glance, and then turned his attention back to the speaker. The graduate was still crying.

”No, I don’t blame Pribbenow for siding with the minority; I blame him for making the graduating class and their families choose sides at all, and not showing an ounce of care or regret in the process. I call him a fraud for appealing to ‘academic freedom’ while in the same breath asking dissenters to be silent.

”Or how about Assistant Dean of Students Bradley Knotts? I observed him arguing with a visibly upset ex-serviceman who had ‘served in Afghanistan’. When Mr. Knotts’ reason failed, he put the soldier in his place: ‘You obviously didn’t go to college, so you wouldn’t understand what’s going on here.’ There’s really nothing I need to add here; those arrogant displays of self-righteous pseudo-academia speak for themselves. And I’m left with the image of an ‘uneducated’ marine who showed the restraint to walk away from this insult against him and his country." –Ulf Grasse, Rockford College graduate, commenting to the Rockford Register Star (via Little Green Footballs)

posted by Alois 05/22/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!>





..........

5/23/03:

A LIGHT DAY--see, now even we men can have Light Days, as opposed to the couple of Heavy-Flow Days preceding this one that have pretty much cleaned my blogging clock.

I've become more immersed in the blogosphere since I (und Klaus) started this modest endeavor. I started out with the political blogs and still read several of them on a daily basis. Lately I have been led down some different paths, primarily thanks to Michele and Gretchen. The world of twentysomething female bloggers is bizarre indeed (present company excluded girls ;-)). Actually it may be the best insight into the female mind that has ever been available to us poor deluded males, and I can only wish that it had been around as a, um, tool back when Klaus und I were young und footloose, trinken der Schnapps und tanzen dem Waltzes mit der Frauleins im den dirndls (this "German" is starting to give me a headache...)

Which is actually just a little mental note to myself that I will have more to say on this (more entertaining) topic as well.

posted by Alois 05/23/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





TODAY'S DON'T MISS: My main man, Victor Davis Hanson, explains how the mess in the Muslim world is all our fault (and Israel's too, of course). I nearly wept...

posted by Alois 05/23/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





OUTTA HERE. See y'all Tuesday... and Happy Memorial Day.

posted by Alois 05/23/03

..........

..........





5/27/03:

MEMORIAL DAY. Klaus und I had der Deutscher Schäferhunden out für a walk on a perfectly gorgeous Memorial Day. At one point we stopped at the top of a little hill and Klaus said, “I can see six American flags from right here, without even turning my head.” I thought for a minute. “We’re the most powerful nation in the history of the planet,” I said. “Shows what happens when you take a bunch of different people from all over the world, put ‘em all together, and let ‘em do pretty much whatever they want.”

posted by Alois 05/27/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





TODAY’S MUST-READ: A serviceman’s letter to Imperial Wizard Senator Robert Byrd (D-Pretoria) concerning his near-blasphemous remarks about President Bush’s stopover on the USS Lincoln. This guy just totally nails it. (Via the Rottweiler)

posted by Alois 05/27/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!>





DUHHHHH.... Klaus und I have been saying all along that al Qaeda's big-time operators are not exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer; any fool can fly a plane into a building. Perhaps the best case in point is that, had they waited just a year or two longer instead of shooting their wad on 9/11, they probably could have obtained a nuclear weapon. Our liberal, er friends still beg to differ, wanting us poor Amerikaners to believe that we are up against a race of intellectual supermen with cellphones and laptops and it is just a matter of time until we will have to surrender (or make nicey-nice with the Wahhabist self-aggrandizing wizards o' destruction).

Here is just the latest proof that Klaus und I knew whereof we spoke, right from the beginning.

Ja.

posted by Alois 05/27/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!

..........





5/28/03:

LAME-ASS REMARK AWARD FOR MAY goes, without question, to Amnesty International for this little bit o' expectoration:

"Far from making the world a safer place, [the war on terror] has made it more dangerous by curtailing human rights, undermining the rule of international law and shielding governments from scrutiny. It has deepened divisions among people of different faiths and origins, sowing the seeds for more conflict."

Somebody needs to lay off the brown acid. You can read the whole thing here.

posted by Alois 05/28/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





TODAY'S MUST-READ: Thomas Friedman on the Israeli-Palestinian situation, and the role the U.S. should play. Challenging stuff.

posted by Alois 05/28/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!

..........





5/29/03:

THANK YOU, RACHEL! Anyone who knows me knows that my most intense hatred is reserved for careless, inconsiderate, rude, and/or psychopathic motorists--of which there are far, far too many. If you are such a motorist, you deserve to die. Ja, do it. Die. Now. The gene pool vill be better off mitout you.

Personally I think Rachel goes a little too easy on the assclowns, but her heart is certainly in the right place.

posted by Alois (mit mein Luger) 05/29/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Awe of American power is, of course, a perishable commodity, both inside Iraq and, perhaps more important, elsewhere in the Middle East. Washington can certainly diminish the respect and acquiescence its military victory has gained by using its power unwisely or, more likely, failing to use its power when it should. Middle Eastern regimes, especially clerical Iran's, will no doubt challenge America's place in Iraq, especially if American efforts to establish liberal democracy are seen to be serious. Under the Bush administration, the restoration of American awe in the Middle East is now inextricably linked to the expansion of liberal values. This point may be lost on European intellectuals, who more often than not see the root causes for the war in some "imperialist" grab for oil or in an Israel-first, Jewish-American conspiracy. It may be lost in certain American quarters, who likewise are distinctly uncomfortable juxtaposing the words 'liberal' and 'Bush.'"

--Reuel Marc Gerecht, in The Weekly Standard

posted by Klaus 05/29/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





THE ROYAL SCAM. Imagine that you're a rich Democrat (and gee, there aren't many of them, are there Babwa?) Now what if you came up with a ruse that could perpetually bilk the working poor out of their hard-earned money while guaranteeing 1) that the working poor would remain forever subservient to you ; 2) an eternal source of the funds necessary to perpetuate Dumbocrat power; and 3) a way to line your own wallet a bit on the side?

Well, guess what? There already is such a contrivance. They're called unions, and they are into the pockets of the poor in a way that Daddy Warbucks capitalists never dreamed of.

The forefathers of the American labor movement would turn over in their graves if they could see what the modern union has become--mostly just a conduit of funds to Dumbocrat candidates that totally sold out to management interests long, long ago. And that's not because the lefties who run unions are any more fond of Wall Street capitalists than they ever were; it's because to actually go head-to-head with the Powers That Be, to actually defend the interests and rights of workers, would require real effort. Union bigwigs figured out long ago that they could keep the funds filling their coffers year after year... while doing virtually nothing (because the poor are effectively powerless, which is what begat the labor movement to begin with). The modish excuse is to cite the "intransigence of management," or "management bargaining in bad faith." And, with the economic downturn, unions found their ultimate excuse: "We're fighting so you can keep your job!" (although, as labor statistics indicate readily, they're doing a piss-poor job of that too). Meanwhile, union fat-cats give themselves big raises every year (union dues just keep on going up--to reflect the "new challenges" facing our Holy Union Representatives as they Fight For Our Interests).

New challenges, my ass. The closest these sons-n'-daughters-of-bitches ever came to a "challenge" is deciding whether to buy the Ford Expedition or the Lincoln Navigator.

Want a case in point? My beloved union, after THREE YEARS of fruitless negotiations (management "bargaining in bad faith"), finally came through with a raise so small as to be even worse than symbolic. Guess what? The amount I've paid out in union dues over the past three years represents many, many times the sum I stand to collect under my historical-victory-over-management raise, unless I manage to keep working until I'm 85 or so.

Which, at the rate I'm going, is a distinct possibility. Every time I see unions throwing money at the Dumbocrats, the "party of the little guy," it makes me want to puke. I'd rather trust George W. Bush with my money any day of the week.

posted by Alois (mit mein Luger) 05/29/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





MS. LUCAS IS ON THE CASE... and her rap is strong.

Why the hell is this story getting buried, when the Natalie Maines off-the-cuff comment just about triggered a national uprising?

Fox News: "The former boxing champion once again denied he raped Desiree Washington in 1991 in an Indianapolis hotel room, but told Fox News' Greta Van Susteren that he'd like to now.

"'I just hate her guts. She put me in that state, where I don't know,' [Mike] Tyson said in an interview for The Pulse, scheduled to air Thursday night. 'I really wish I did now. But now I really do want to rape her.'"

Rachel: "Ah, yes, eminently believable. I suggest he be thrown back in prison just for being such a foul and hateful ear-chewing pig.

"Since that's not likely, how about something more pragmatic? Everybody shun him. Boycott everything involving him and make a big ugly stink about it. Come on, this is a man who has not only been convicted of rape, but now says he would like to rape somebody. And we give him a forum and millions of bucks? And then we wonder what's wrong with kids?

"...It really annoys me when nobody else gets pissed off about stuff like this."

Count me in, Rachel.

posted by Alois 05/29/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





EXACTLY: A photo caption from today's edition of CNN Online: "U.N. peacekeepers are in Bunia [Democratic Republic of Congo] but not authorized to intervene." Gee, might as well have stayed home then, n'est-ce-pas?

posted by Alois 05/29/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!

..........





5/30/03:

99 1/2 WON'T DO: Why is this story about "Iraqis almost hit Coalition Headquarters with a missile during the opening phase of GW2" getting so much media attention? Who the hell cares what the Iraqis almost did? Are we that desperate for news these days?

posted by Alois 05/30/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!





THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "It all depends whether your notions of reckless driving were formed under “Dukes of Hazzard” or “Miami Vice.” If it’s the former, you drive to Lynyrd Skynrd. If it’s the latter, electronic dance music makes you want to put on sunglasses at midnight and drive your stubbled, tragic self into the night. To the corner store. For some beer. And maybe some jerky. That peppered stuff. Man, that’s good..."

--Lileks, of course

posted by Alois 05/30/03

E-Mail Us, Schnell, Und Ve Vill Post Your Reply. Hier!

..........

Der Schmaltz und Grieben Archiven >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< E-Mail Us. Ja, Do That. Schnell!

April 2003

March 2003

February 2003



sorry



sorry

sorry