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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "The impertinent question is the glory and engine of human inquiry... Daniel Defoe asked the impertinent question and invented the novel. James Joyce asked it and reinvented the novel, which was promptly banned. Jean-Paul Sartre asked it and inspired Simone de Beauvoir, who asked it and inspired a whole generation of women to question what they were doing with men like Jean-Paul Sartre. The Wright brothers asked it and were ignored for five years. Bill Gates asked it and was ignored for five minutes, which was long enough for him to dominate the industry."

--Garry Trudeau, at his recent commencement speech at Trinity College

posted by Alois 06/02/03

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..........

6/03/03:

HALL AND OATES.

That's right, you read it right: Hall and Oates.

I've been driving around listening to a CD of Hall and Oates' Greatest Hits for the past few days. I don't have any of their other albums, but for some reason during the past couple of years I have found myself driving around while humming "She's Gone" or "Rich Girl" or "One On One." Must remind me of a better time?

I'm not so sure about that, either. These songs were big hits in the late 70s/early 80s when I lived in Washington State (Spokane, Fruitland, Everett, or Seattle--and thank God I got out of the latter burg while the gettin' was good; being close to Madison is bad enough!). For the most part, I was desperately poor during those years and dependable employment was hard to find. Managed to finish two years of college in there somehow (still not quite sure how); had a couple of girlfriends; wound up in the hospital twice (don't ask); my cars all died premature deaths. Would I want to live those years over again?

No.

So what's with the Hall and Oates? I guess I just like the music. Today I reminded myself of how much I had always wanted to hear Hall's collaboration with Robert Fripp (Sacred Songs), so I went ahead and ordered it. Another project put off for about 25 years, but what the hell...

posted by Alois 06/03/03

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TODAY'S MUST-READ: Minnesota Gardener Lauri Mueller on why the American health-care system totally sucks. Don't miss this one.

posted by Alois 06/03/03

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...AND DON'T MISS: Saint Paul at Fraters Libertas discusses an, um, er, "Peace Fest".

posted by Alois 06/03/03

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..........

6/04/03:

WOW. And this is just a sample: "Over the years all the real arguments for the left-liberal position, involving evidence and rational deliberation, have been exploded one by one. Thus rational discussion itself has become a sign of bad taste, of a pugnacious Appalachian kind of insensitivity, with a hint of a possible tendency to tobacco chewing, gun racks, talk radio, pickup trucks, wife-beaters and incest. There is left but one simple rule for the new upper crust: by all means prefer victims to oppressors, but always prefer oppressors to true liberators..." The author is Frederick Turner, and you should make sure that you read the whole thing. (Via Mitch Berg)

posted by Alois 06/04/03

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MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE VRWC: "For me, the Lewinsky imbroglio seemed like just another vicious scandal manufactured by political opponents."

--Hillary "Rodham" Clinton, in her new hysterical rant book

posted by Alois 06/04/03

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WHERE HAS ALL THE JOB POOL GONE? I wonder if anyone has analyzed this Japanese trend in the United States? It's quite obvious that the "freeter" lifestyle has taken hold big-time here as well.

There's some disingenuous carping in this piece from the big experts as to what this may portend for Japan's future economic health. Ex-squeeze me, but this is like the French carping about how Americans don't like them anymore after their Iraq about-face. There it is again, the nearly-dead old Enlightenment idea that actions have consequences. Why should corporate greedmongers feign shock when greater and greater numbers of potential employees tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine? Have they forgotten that the rank and file has become hip to their shitty little game? "Yeah, that sounds great: I'll give my heart and soul to the Corporation, in exchange for which they will lay me off at the slightest whiff of an economic downturn and dump my salary into some comatose CEO's pocket. Or I might get really lucky, be able to keep my job, and have my salary and benefits reduced every year while the upper management gets huge raises and trips to the tropics. Nah, I don't think so." The beauty of the freeter lifestyle is that there is no requirement that the employee pretend to care about an employer who doesn't care about him or her either.

And what exactly does this portend for our economic future? I'll have more to say about that in an upcoming rant called Shut Up and Make The Goddam Widget Already!

posted by Alois 06/04/03

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..........

6/05/03:

NO SLANT IN OUR MEDIA... nosiree sir.

Count me in with Lileks and Berg. I want to know why, after the discovery of mass graves full of Kurdish children in Iraq, that Martha Stewart even made it to the front page?

I know. I shouldn't ask questions like this... but thank God for the blogosphere.

posted by Alois 06/05/03

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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I first discovered this album as a 10-year old in 1980, it was lying on top of my parents' wardrobe in the midst of discarded jubilee mementoes, Christmas decorations and prophylactics..."

--Mr. C. Howard from York, North Yorkshire, UK reviewing Genesis' Selling England by the Pound for Amazon.com

posted by Alois 06/05/03

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KISS MY ROSY RED GREAT-AMERICAN AWARD FOR JUNE: To terrorist überführer Yasshole Arafatass for whining that Ariel Sharon offered Palestinians "nothing tangible" during the recent peace negotations.

Tangible this, motherfucker--you're lucky he didn't offer you a 1200-sq-km hole in the ground. The temptation must have been overwhelming.

posted by Alois (mit mein Luger) 06/05/03

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YOU READ IT HERE FIRST: As I've been saying all along, today's unions aren't about helping the working man or woman--they're about fix money. See how ugly things can get when somebody doesn't get theirs?

posted by Alois (mit mein Luger) 06/05/03

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THAT'S WHAT HE GETS FOR OPPOSING THE IRAQ WAR: This little bit from the Washington Post about three middle-school girls who have been helping FBI agents learn current teenspeak so as to better nab Internet pedophiles:

"...the younger female FBI agents assumed that teenage girls would think actor George Clooney is cute.

"'We're, like, no,' said Mary, making a face.

"'He's, like, 50,' Karen exclaimed."

posted by Alois 06/05/03

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..........

6/06/03:

UNION WATCH: Here's a couple of items (with lo-cal fisking) from our union rag, The Professional.

Headline: GOVERNOR DOYLE SIGNS ALL 19 STATE EMPLOYEE CONTRACTS AS NEGOTIATED.

That's the Governor's job. Don't make it sound as if he's doing us any favors.

Excerpt: "...Governor Doyle reiterated his commitment to the collective bargaining process when he signed the contracts into law and indicated that any changes would not be unilateral and would have to occur at the bargaining table."

If there is ever even the slightest possibility that changes could be "unilateral" and bypass the collective bargaining process, then our unions are as much as announcing their conceivable willingness to abdicate all responsibility to their membership--no?

Sure. If the price is right.

posted by Alois 06/06/03

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OUTTA HERE. See y'all on Tuesday... and Do Good.

posted by Alois 06/06/03

..........

6/11/03:

TO BLOG OR NOT TO BLOG: Gretchen Pirillo has an interesting exchange with her readers after an obnoxious troll (with no return e-mail, of course) informed her that he was "scratching" her "boring" blog.

Hey, we all have our good days and our bad days. And even our no-show days (like yesterday for me, after I PROMISED to be back). In my experience, it is very rare to see a high-quality blogger like Gretchen descend permanently into pointlessness.

I'm holdin' out, G!

posted by Alois 06/11/03

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YO YO YO YO CHECKITOWT: The earth scientist in me occasionally feels the need to bring the public's attention to cool stuff like this Mt. Shasta webcam. I keep the "desktop snowcam" open all the time... as a survivor of the eruption of St. Helens, I ain't takin' no chances!

posted by Alois 06/11/03

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A COUPLE OF MUST-READS: Mitch Berg on giving swirlies to HR maggots (if it isn't still at the top, do a search for "Nekulturny"--Russian for "devoid of class"--doncha love it?) Mitch's permalinks are still busted.

And a don't-miss from the Right Coast: Andrew Sullivan on The Antichrist Hillary "Rodham" Clinton.

posted by Alois 06/11/03

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FASCINATING: A telling account of how today's lefties even manage to alienate those inclined to agree with them. Nice work, Jennifer--and keep on thinking free.

posted by Alois 06/11/03

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..........

6/12/03:

THE TAGGERS. I had a very unusual dream last night... still don't know what to make of it.

I was in an underground garage. Just as I had opened to door to my car, I saw a man and a woman slapping stickers all over the door of a Chevy Suburban. Tall and granoloid, the couple was both wearing wire-rim specs and painful-looking cheekbones. Maybe Grateful Dead t-shirts too, although I wouldn't bet the farm on it.

It took me a few seconds to realize that these were some of the "SUV taggers" I had read about in the news. I couldn't quite make out what the stickers said, but it was something about emissions and waste and probably a No Blood For Oil! thrown in for good measure. And just then, I had the thought that this couple was probably just another example of the silly protesters you see in any city, against global trade and global warming and fathers' rights and clamping down on New Jersey's Islamic militants and nuclear power plants and Israel's right to live in peace and especially against anybody stupid enough to serve in the military.

The taggers noticed me. And you know what I said? "I agree with you on this one."

Weird.

posted by Alois 06/12/03

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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Bill Clinton and I started a conversation in the spring of 1971. It began when I said 'Put it away!' and he replied, 'Sorry, honey.' I just loved the way he looked so full of shame. More than 30 years later, we're still having that same conversation."

--British online humor mag Private Eye (via Andrew Sullivan)

posted by Alois 06/12/03

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THIS WEEK'S POETRY FEATURE: I think I'm going to do this on at least a semi-weekly basis, just to piss people off. But hey, I like poetry... as long as it's good.

This week's featured poet is Iggy Pop:

"Butt Town"

The cops are well-groomed, with
Muscled physiques in Butt Town
Their tan uniforms are tailored in chic
In Butt Town
Any young Black male who walks down the street
Is gonna get stopped by a car full of meat
But the girl with the hair
Flies by in her underwear-

She's done nothing so far to deserve that car
When you live in Butt Town
You gotta get down
But in Butt Town I'm learnin'
In Butt Town I'm earnin'
In Butt Town I'm turnin'
Into my worst nightmare

I'm tellin' you, it's a motley crew in Butt Town
Monday you're new, and Friday you're through
In Butt Town
The producer is wily, and owns what he sells
The talent is eager to go straight to hell
Th tits are amazing, and everyone's gazing
At some body part-
That's the nature of art in Butt Town

All over Butt Town dreams have a show down
All over Butt Town values are thrown down
But in Butt Town I'm learnin'
In Butt Town I'm earnin'
In Butt Town I'm turnin'
Into my worst nightmare

In Butt Town baby
I'm gonna be a star
I'm gonna shake my butt far
Now here we go
I'm gonna shake my butt
Shake my butt shake my butt
In Butt Town

"She Called Me Daddy"

She's gone
I froze her out
Move by move
First I didn't hold her hand
Then I didn't touch her in bed
Then I wasn't tender with her upsets
Then I just told her to go
And still, she didn't go
I had to push.
Now this place is peaceful as a grave
It's dead quiet without her
And her stupid t.v. shows
And young girl laughing
I was always ashamed she read Cosmopolitan
I should have been proud of her
What did she want that was so bad?
She just wanted to believe that someone would
Love her and look after her always
She called me Daddy
She called me Daddy

posted by Alois 06/12/03

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..........

6/16/03:

AND WELCOME TO... two new additions to our blogroll. Sam Muldia's younger brother Dr. DNA keeps surprising with his Voodoo Lounge--"the musings of a cigarette-smoking, beer-drinking, java-programming man."

And then there's Halley Suitt, techno-freak and cultural commentator extraordinaire. I can read Ms. Suitt day in and day out and never quit scratching my head in sheer wonderment/puzzlement...

posted by Alois 06/16/03

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A REAL REVOLUTION. Anyone who has been traveling around the blogosphere for the past couple of days has no doubt noticed that some serious shit is going on in Iran right now. But from trolling through the mainstream media, you'd think it was a massive non-event.

There's a real possibility that the blogosphere may be on the verge of scoring its biggest coup ever: calling the seemingly inevitable democratic revolution about to shake Iran (with the absolutely huge implications this holds for the War on Terror and hopes for a better Middle East) before the mainstream media even shows up. Some pretty big implications here, too.

posted by Alois 06/16/03

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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "U.N. Agency Tackles Iran Amid Nuke Fears... Tackles? The UN couldn't slide-tackle Ru Paul running the length of a football field in a miniskirt and stilletto heels."

--Homicidal Maniak

posted by Alois 06/16/03

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..........

6/17/03:

WHO THE HELL ARE WE? That's what some of you are probably wondering. Some of you already know. And some of you, no doubt, could care less.

Anyway.

Unless you know who we are--or your reading comprehension is really high--you may have figured by now that we are a couple of semi-retarded Germans whose English is somehow bettern than our German. Certainly the attitude that oozes forth is distinctly Germanic, intolerant as it is toward those who are different from us. (Ja. Shoot zem.)

But für Klaus und I, our intolerance is not directed at those who are of different races or different religions or different nationalities (except Palestinians and Frenchmen, who we must still insist on judging on a case-by-case basis until they have earned the right to rejoin the rest of humanity). Nein, our wrath vill be directed at asshats (thanks, Rachel) and idiotarians (thanks, Misha) and beardettes (thanks, Klaus!) und der Birkestock-shod women auf der Beardettes who needs to shave der underarms, ja. And, of course, Islamofascists (thanks, Hitch).

Klaus und I are both Amerikaners. He is from Philadelphia and I am from St. Louis. Klaus und Alois are our alter egos and we assume these characters when large numbers of our inferiors begin to irritate the German in us and must be assembled hastily für eradikation. So that zey do not breed, ja? First mit dem Islamofascists, den mit dem asshats und dem idiotarians und diesem Beardettes/Birkenstockettes. Der Gauss rifle, bitte, Klaus! Ha, Ha! Und now it is time to trinken der Schnapps und der Bier und tanzen dem Waltzes mit dem pretty Frauleins in dem Dirndls.

Ha, Ha!

posted by Alois 06/17/03

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EXACTLY: "Hi Honey, I'm Home And Of Course I Picked Up Junior From Daycare And Got Take-Out Chinese Because You''ll Be Glued To The Computer All Night Doing That Excel Spreadsheet You Didn't Get Done Last Night When I Wanted To Have Sex, But, Oh Yeah, I Remember, We Don't Have Time For That Anymore."

--Halley Suitt, tongue firmly in cheek

posted by Alois 06/17/03

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AND A GROSSE DANKE-SCHÖN TO: Dr. DNA for blogrolling us on his most excellent website! Nice for us cranky Amerikaners to get so much notice in Estonia.

posted by Alois 06/17/03

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..........

6/18/03:

DON'T MAKE ME VOMIT. Hit-and-run killer bishop Thomas O'Brien of Phoenix--recently also in hot water for protecting child molesters in his diocese--released a statement through his spokesman that had this to say, in part:

"This is a horrible tragedy for everyone -- the Reed family, our family, the bishop and the entire Catholic community."

Say what?!?! You've got it all wrong, asshole--this is a tragedy for the family of the dead man (Reed) and nobody else. Don't start in with this "we're all victims" bullshit. If it's a tragedy for the bishop's family, it's only because they were too lazy to disown his lying ass after he was caught trying to protect child molesters. And it's hard to see how it could be a tragedy for "the entire Catholic community"--what, to have to lose a son of a bitch like this?

And... a tragedy for the BISHOP? Don't even get me started. The only tragedy for the bishop is the buggery he's likely to face in the Big House when he starts serving his time--the same thing he let the priests in his charge foist on innocent children.

And now he's killed a man. And run away.

Word up to His Most Excellent Eminent Holiness John Paul II: Your church is becoming a joke. Worse than a joke. And it's happening on your watch.

posted by Alois 06/18/03

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UNION WATCH, CONTINUED: Headline in the most recent edition of The Insider, our union newsletter:

I Am Better Off Because Of The Union And So Are You

Links, recht. Links, recht! We are marching für der Führer! Links, recht! Links, recht! We are marching für der Führer! Links, recht! Links, recht! We owe it all to der Führer!

posted by Alois 06/18/03

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June 2-18, 2003



6/26/03:

DER LONG-PROMISED RANT AUF KLAUS. My response to an antiwar diatribe addressed to us some time ago by an acquaintance. Did you know, for example, that George W. Bush is a... a mean man?

Read on.



**********



The Rant auf Klaus, Part I (June 19, 2003)



The Rant auf Klaus, Part II (June 20, 2003)



The Rant auf Klaus, Part III (June 26, 2003)

..........

6/27/03:

...AND CONTINUING our ongoing campaign against Homo americanus neanderthalensis, we bring you this little gem from Kathy Kinsley:

"Sigh. [All my spam] had links to sex sites, of course. Most advertising about 'teenage' women. Ain't clicking on those links, pr0n spammer, sir. Send me a sex site on 40-60 something men who don't have beer guts, I might click on that! I'm not unreasonable, you know."

Thanks, Kathy! Not only do we appreciate it... AMERICA appreciates it!

posted by Alois 06/27/03

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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "The Democrats, indeed, look like they're turning into a domestic version of the Palestinians--a group so enraged at their perceived oppressors, and so caught up in their own victimization, that they behave in ways that are patently not in their self-interest, and that are almost guaranteed to perpetuate their suffering."

--David Brooks

...TO WHICH ALOIS WOULD ADD: You mean the Palestinocrats™? The Demotinians™?

posted by Alois 06/27/03

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HOPE FOR FRANCE? Salvation can arrive in strange forms. In France, it often seems to be in a diminutive, female, and attractive form. Hey, whatever works...

Get the inside scoop on Sabine Herold--in English--here. Klaus und I knew she was the real deal when we noticed that she even shaves her underarms!

(Via the Chicago Boyz)

posted by Alois 06/27/03

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..........

6/30/03:

QUOTE OF THE DAY: After Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist spewed forth with this: "I very much feel that marriage is a sacrament and that sacrament should extend and can extend to that legal entity of a union between what is traditionally in our Western values been defined as between a man and a woman..." [Senator Frist] said today that he would "absolutely" support a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in the United States.

Our esteemed Texan Rachel batted right back with this:

"Never mind that I could marry a perfect stranger this week and then divorce him and marry another, over and over again until the day I die. I'm straight, dammit, and any marriage I undertake is sacred. A sacrament! Yet two people who may have been together for years, who adore each other as much as is humanly possible...but are both men or both women? No, no, no. Bad, wrong, shame. We need a constitutional amendment to keep them from legally marrying, lest they sully the beautiful and sacred thing that is marriage in America!

Word, Rachel. Hey, everybody, read the whole thing.

posted by Alois 06/30/03

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JUST HAD TO BLOG THIS: Once in awhile--no, actually, it's more often than that--you see a headline that really and truly insults your intelligence. How about:

Report Finds Porch That Collapsed Was Sound

Uhhhhhhhh... okay.

posted by Alois 06/30/03

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COUNT US IN. JA, DO THAT: Why didn't anybody think of this before? Why do Islamist scumbags think they have the market cornered on fatwas? Item:

"BAGHDAD (Reuters) - A senior Iraqi Shi'ite Muslim cleric has issued a decree, or fatwa, ordering the killing of any Jew who buys real estate in Iraq, an aide has said.

The Iran-based cleric, Ayatollah Kazem al-Husseini al-Haieri, also said in his fatwa that selling real estate to Jews was forbidden for Muslims."

THEN Laurence Simon, over at Amish Tech Support, came up with this brilliant "counteroffer":

"It's time for me to declare an official Amish Tech Support Fatwah. Any religious leader who issues any statement, proclamation, or decree that threatens a Jew in any way, shape, or form based solely on the fact that they are Jewish is hereby under a death sentence themselves."

Ha, Ha! Herr Simon is right, ve must shoot zem all. Schnell! Klaus und I would like to offer to establish a scholarship fund for the children of the lucky citizen who dispatches the ayatollah--und ve request only that he is shot in public, so as to make an example für der others. Ja! Und zen, we tanzen der Waltzes und trinken der Schnapps und der Bier mit diesem pretty Frauleins in dem dirndls.

posted by Alois 06/30/03

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SO PUT ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE DEPT:

Study: No Advantage to Preserving Sperm

I know the Catholic bishops don't have anything better to do these days, so I fully expect a ruling within the week...

posted by Alois 06/30/03

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..........

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